Yes, this is a legit review of a frozen pizza. The frozen pizza(s) in question today are Hydrant’s. Yes, you read that correctly, the name of this pizza is Hydrant. I have never heard of this type of pizza before but apparently it will “distinguish your hunger”…
Anyhow, these pizzas appeared in the fridge sometime while work had me out of town for the weekend in the twin cities. Now my roomate thinks that these things were from his brothers baby’s mama, his niece and nephew were over for the weekend so this is the conclusion he came to. We cannot be certain but regarded we ate them because we were hungry.
So we proceeds to tear them out of their plastic wrappings and threw them into the food cooking machine (stove), preheated to 425 degrees of course. 15 mins later and we had dinner. One pepperoni pizza and one cheese.
So the first slice I ate was of the pepperoni variety, it did not taste like much but I just assumed this was just because the pizza was still fairly hot. So I washed it down with a little orange soda, waited a few minutes for it to cool and proceeded to dig in.
The second slice that I took was of the cheese pizza. Now this one came out of the oven first so I knew that it was definitely cool enough to eat but it still seemed realitively tasteless, but maybe this was just because there was not any meat on the damn thing and I am used to eating pizza with at least sausage or pepperoni on it.
So by the time the second slice went down, I had reached for a third, this time for some pepperoni. If you guessed that this also was tasteless then you are absolutely correct. So me and my roomate came to the conclusion that these cheap ass pizzas were just lacking any taste whatsoever. I take that back, they actually tasted as if there was a hint of soap as one of the ingredients. Nom nom.
But we were not just going to give up just yet. Although these pizzas did not taste good does not mean that they tasted bad. So i headed to the kitchen, opened the cupboard and grabbed some of Penzey’s Spices mural of flavor and garlic powder. PENZEY’S TO THE RESCUE!! Nope. Didn’t help much at all. But we ate both pizzas even though we knew them to be tasteless an probably made in China, because that’s how we do it where I’m from.
Just to give you an idea of the deliciousness of Hydrant’s pizza, the dog would not touch the actual pizza, but when we ate it all gone the dog quick snatched up the cardboard tray the pizzas came on and took off running. So I cannot say that the pizza tasted like cardboard, because according to the dog, the cardboard was more desirable than the actual pizza itself.
So to sum it all up, dont go buying any of these pizzas unless you like your pizzas to taste like nothing. Or if they are so extremely cheap (and we are assuming that they are), try spreading some butter on it or something.
Oh yes and I almost forgot, as of for distinguishing my hunger, I was actually quite filled to be totally honest. But it was probably just that tasteless msg that they added in at the Chinese pizza factory.